This is the first time I have even been able to do anything at all with my mind in the last week.
I’m never taking Xanax again. My new psychiatrist started me on it to deal with obsessive anxiety, mainly of the social form. I wasn’t having a major problem but he thought it couldn’t hurt to try out anyway. Well, after just one week, it seemed to have the reverse effect. It is often used to treat panic disorder, but I was panicky and psychotic. I could not deal with anything in my mind at all. I have so much work to do for school this quarter, but keeping myself busy did not have the same effect as it usually does. Bad thoughts were racing through my head no matter what I did; I can’t even put into words how I was feeling because it was a completely different frame of mind than I have ever experienced.
This happened to all occur on a holiday week, and it culminated in spending my Thanksgiving in my apartment sick or in bed. It was miserable not only because I felt miserable, but also because I was letting my family (both of them) down. It’s not like I didn’t have the opportunity to have a decent Thanksgiving, and there are plenty of people who were worrying about me.
I stopped the drug the night before Thanksgiving, so it was probably a mix of the adverse reaction and withdrawal symptoms the next day.
I treated myself to a Double Cheeseburger meal from McDonald’s as my technical Thanksgiving dinner. That was dumb, because the gluten made my stomach even worse. But it tasted delicious. I’ve been lucky enough to partake in some tasty leftovers, though. You can’t beat green bean casserole.
Anyway, I’m back from that fiasco. I’m still getting my mind back, so I need to figure out how to write an actual blog entry again. I hope my friends had more normal Thanksgivings, and a happy official holiday season to everyone.